you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
