I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I believe in your delicious
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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