I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
