i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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