I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
