I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
