Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
