I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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