I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
