I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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