I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
