What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
