I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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