Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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