it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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