Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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