All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
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