i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
