Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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