I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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