Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
