Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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