I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's shark week go big or go home
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
