Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
