I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Dicks are not precious.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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