nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
