Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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