Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
