i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My bed smells like the plague
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
