I hate your face
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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