Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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