Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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