I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
