when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
