You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
