Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
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