i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my shit smells like andre
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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