Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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