Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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