I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
