I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
