So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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