it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
