There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just cropdusted the office
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
