I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
