My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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