I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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