Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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