Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
this is an emotional support booty call
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
