Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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