A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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