I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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