It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
what the fuck happened to the tacos
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
