Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
People with herpes should wear stickers.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
