Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
