About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
