look no pants
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
