when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
