there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
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Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
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Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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