I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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