i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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