have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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