mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god