nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in