No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
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so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
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230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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